Seas The Day (aka; feel the fear, and do it anyway!)

Yesterday I collected 300 copies of my book from the printers. After months of work “Seas The Day – A Year of Sea Swimming Poetry” is now making its way out into the world to it’s new owners. (Maybe you’re one of them!) So. There’s no turning back. And, despite it being small fry in the publishing world, can I tell you a secret? – I’m scared!

All my self doubts are having a party right now! They’re laughing their heads off. I can hear them …who do I think I am to publish a book of poetry? What if my poems aren’t good enough? What if all the people who have ordered the book are outraged and demand a refund!?

It’s an odd position to be in. I mean, no-one has forced me to publish my poems. I have voluntarily put myself out there knowing the risk. There is every chance that it’ll be a big fat disappointment. So why do it?

Well, honestly?; (and I know I’m not supposed to admit this) I’m not doing it for others. (ok, I am donating profits to Surfers Against Sewage so I am definitely doing some of it for others!) But what I mean to say is; I’m doing this for me. I’m doing this to make me step outside of my comfort zone. But I’m also doing it because I genuinely love every single moment of swimming in the wild, and the inspiration that comes to me, to write these poems as a result, is part of something transformational. And I think I’m feeling braver because of it.

So I’m testing the water! (Excuse the pun). I’m pushing my boundaries, I’m expanding my inner world to see what happens. I’m challenging my negative beliefs, I’m asking them to step up and face me, head on. Not in confrontation necessarily, but more with a sense of curiosity. I want to invite these fears that hide in the shadows, out into the light. I want to look at them, sit with them. Thank them for trying to protect me;

And then carry on regardless.

Because, I want to see what happens if we carry on. What happens if we let ourselves follow that shining light …the sparkly one that catches your eye and suggests magic, possibility, hope. What happens if we stop hiding, and we step out into the light, despite our fears, and show ourselves.

I want to believe it will be ok. I want to stop feeling anxious about the unknown, the “what if’s”. I want to focus on how beautiful the world can be, and to learn to trust in it. I want to adopt “beginners mind”, a mind that views life as if for the first time. That sees no harm in thinking magical things can happen if you believe they can. Above all, I want to prove my negative beliefs to be wrong.

Because, SO WHAT if my poems aren’t good enough? WHAT IF people aren’t pleased with the book? The fact remains I’ve still enjoyed the process of creating. I’ve enjoyed following that sparkly light!. And maybe, (and this is where I become a bit less sure but I’m going with it) Is it possible that it might still be worth it – that something less obvious might shift because of it? Some insight yet to be understood? Something you’d never come to realise unless you tried and failed.

Could it mean that by taking a risk, that our fears (and come on, we all have them!) could actually turn out to be just that. Just fear. That they’ve been calling our bluff this whole time? That maybe if we meet them, and hang out with them a while (not hook up, just hang out; there’s a difference!) then MAYBE we can live a life beyond them. Maybe we can trust ourselves, and the universe enough that EVEN IF the worst happens, we can still overcome it. Better yet; learn something from it. Even if it hurts, even if it feels uncomfortable, even if there’s loss, maybe there’s still a part of you that benefits from taking that risk? Maybe that sparkly light you followed lit up your soul, and made it possible to feel free for a while.

So, What is it for you? What risk have you taken lately, no matter how small? What were your fears? Did you think you might not, were you surprised you did? Or maybe you didn’t and you’ve been regretting it ever since?. What lessons can we learn about the limitations we put upon our own lives. What kind of personal lockdowns do we put ourselves in?

And if we can push past these; imagine what else there is to experience!. Imagine what freedom there is to be found. If we choose to just feel the fear, and do it anyway? Regardless of the outcome. In fact, IN SPITE of the outcome!

So there we have it, confession over. I still feel scared, but that’s ok. I’m hanging out with that feeling for a while. I guess I just wanted to figure out why I’m putting myself in this position. And now I know! (Thanks for sticking with me this far – This is what I love about writing – it’s so cathartic!)

I’m basically doing this because I’m not confident about my book, and because I’m worried it’ll be crap. But I’m carrying on regardless because my fears are telling me NOT TO! And quite frankly I’d rather trip over and fall flat on my face as I chase that shiny sparkly light, than be stuck in the dark with my (slightly annoying and over protective) fears for the rest of my life.

And to celebrate this fact, let’s just stop for a moment and contemplate another “WHAT IF”…

As my friend Emma said to me the other day;

“WHAT IF the Hokey Cokey IS what it’s all about!??”

Imagine that!

“Seas The Day – A Year Of Sea Swimming Poetry” is OUT NOW £8.50 + PP

3 Comments

  1. Mark S says:

    I say you did it and that is what is important! Isn’t there a saying about how the journey is the point and not the destination. Congratulations on getting this together and out to 300 people! Amazing! Do you have a digital version by any chance?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Girl Gone Wild says:

      Thanks Mark, yes that’s so true about the journey being the point! If you’d like a digital copy email me; bewild@girlgonewild.co.uk. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Mark S says:

      That would be wonderful. I’ll send an email shortly! Thank you.

      Like

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